So I am going to write something now that I never thought I would. But I try to be honest in this space and today I had a sort of amazing moment and it would be weird to leave it out of this record of our lives.
It is Mother's Day. It was not an easy day - lots of rain, some arguing with Mom, some frustrating events. But viewed in another context, it was a blessed day - I got to be with my Mom, I got to be with my kid, I got to talk to my AD, Dad, and sister on the phone. So really, that makes it a good day.
And I was sitting in church today when suddenly it came to me that Cash is my reward. REWARD. A strange word, but it felt like it came from God. I often think of Cash as a blessing - but today it came to me clear as a bell that he is meant to be a reward. I don't know for what, but it was also clear he is supposed to lead me towards being a better person. That his existence has already made me a better person, along with everyone he touches. And that is very rewarding. It was almost like I felt I had been picked to experience this special joy, the joy of this special child who attracts love and goodness to him. The experience of being Cash's mom is often hard, sometimes brutally so, but today I knew that I had also been rewarded in a million ways by his presence in my life. And I know, I really do know, that it sounds a little crazy to say that message came from God, but it feels like it did.
It is Mother's Day. It was not an easy day - lots of rain, some arguing with Mom, some frustrating events. But viewed in another context, it was a blessed day - I got to be with my Mom, I got to be with my kid, I got to talk to my AD, Dad, and sister on the phone. So really, that makes it a good day.
And I was sitting in church today when suddenly it came to me that Cash is my reward. REWARD. A strange word, but it felt like it came from God. I often think of Cash as a blessing - but today it came to me clear as a bell that he is meant to be a reward. I don't know for what, but it was also clear he is supposed to lead me towards being a better person. That his existence has already made me a better person, along with everyone he touches. And that is very rewarding. It was almost like I felt I had been picked to experience this special joy, the joy of this special child who attracts love and goodness to him. The experience of being Cash's mom is often hard, sometimes brutally so, but today I knew that I had also been rewarded in a million ways by his presence in my life. And I know, I really do know, that it sounds a little crazy to say that message came from God, but it feels like it did.
No comments:
Post a Comment